Would you take a shit at work?

I know, I know, this is going to be another crude post and yet again I am talking about shit. At least this time it’s about human shit and not bird shit………..just read that back, it doesn’t make it better does it?!

So I have been at my new job now for 3 weeks, I was going to say 3 whole weeks but truth be told, none of those 3 weeks have been whole (cheers mate). Next week will be my first full week and tbh (that means ‘to be honest’ for you older folk, alright and folk my age) I don’t know how I’m going to do it! Like seriously how do people have jobs, have a social life and manage to do all that adulting stuff?!  We have already transitioned to getting our groceries and Eric’s food delivered.  We even have a bird who comes in and walks Eric most days (he loves her the traitorous little bastard). There was even talk about hiring a cleaner and someone to do the ironing the other day (apparently doing it after Sunday arvo drinking isn’t such a great idea and is a pretty pointless exercise).

When I wasn’t working I wasted so much time doing nothing, doing nothing was what took all my time up! Every time Mr C would ask what I’m doing, I would respond with “cleaning,” but we lived in a 1 bed 1 bath apartment. Now, every bit of time is accounted for, we have our routine scheduled TF. Wake up at 05:45, cuddle Eric until 06:00, I work out, Mr C takes Eric for a walk. Mr C leaves at 07:00, I leave at 07:30. We still don’t make the most of our time after work, though we are signing up to a Crossfit class next week to see if we like it. Mr C is also studying his MBA and I have important research to do, which includes watching TOWIE and any ‘Real Housewives of …….’ (don’t be a judgy twat, it’s v entertaining).

Anyways, I have totally digressed (I know right, how posh is that word. Posh AF me) and need to get onto the actual topic of this blog post as indicated in the title. So I am back in the the office world and where I work is v modern and all open concept and booths. There is approx. 30 peeps in the office (mostly birds) and we share 3 toilets (washrooms, bathrooms, restrooms, the loo, whatever you want to call it but basically, the place you go to shit and pee). These toilets are always v clean but bloody stink more often than should be deemed socially acceptable. Now I know what you’re thinking (okay some of you) but it’s a toilet, how else is it supposed to smell?!

I agree, you shouldn’t go to the toilet expecting it to smell of Roses, it’s a toilet for god sakes and has a very definitive function. But, it’s a public toilet, once you leave it you can guarantee someone else is going to use it after you.  I almost threw up when I walked into one today, something which I haven’t done in a long time (okay, that’s lie, I threw up last Saturday but totally unrelatable, that was down to dodgy Oysters…..and far to much Cider on an empty stomach).

So be a sweetheart, have a shit before you come to work; unless you’re a Vegan, apparently their shit doesn’t smell!

In other news, nah I haven’t actually got any, far to busy working, drinking and talking shit to have other news!!

Hi my name is Michelle and my friend is a Vegan……

I didn’t mean to have a Vegan as a friend, I certainly didn’t do it on purpose, who would want the hassle? But alas I do, my lovely work wife has gone completely dark and I of course fully support her. But like wtf is she going to ask for when she orders Pad Thai “Pad Thai please, no tofu, no eggs and extra peanuts.” I don’t think she has thought this one through!

Vegans do get a bad rap though eh, you can literally feel the eye rolls coming when someone announces they’re vegan. Why is tolerance for vegans seemingly low? Is it because it’s almost like the trendy thing to do like being “gluten intolerance”? Is it the alleged judgements they put on us non vegans? Surely we should be praising these folks for making a stand and standing by their beliefs “good on ya love.”

I don’t know, I can’t see the wife walking into a restaurant, announcing that she’s vegan and that she’ll have the lentil salad.  Throwing daggers at anyone tucking into a big fat steak! Are you even a vegan if you go to a non veganish restaurant?!

When I first met the wife we were meeting for me to introduce her to a young person that I had and she would be working with. She was late, so me and this youth came up with a plan to get back at her and to test her banter and limits (these things are v important). So when she parked up we just jumped in her car without a word got comfy and told her “we are going for lunch, you’re choosing the restaurant and Bob’s vegan.” Did this throw her into a panic as she wanted to make a good first impression, did she burst out into tears as it was to much pressure? No, she said “that’s okay, I’m a Vegetarian and know exactly where to go.” Smug bitch took us to Padamandi what was actually one of my fave Thai restaurants in Edmonton. So she passed and quickly became the wife.

To be fair the wife’s vegetarianism has been a good influence on me; I was in the Bay looking at this fabulous handbag and her face popped in my head making me put it down (much to the relief of Mr C). I’ve been satisfying my bag fetish with beautiful pieces from Matt & Nat who make beautiful vegan bags/ purses and are very reasonably priced (another relief for Mr C).

Anyway as I’m in Vancouver and she is Edmonton I will have to rely on her family and Edmonton friends to keep her in check!!

Me and the wife

In other news, Mr C and I have booked our first trip and will be heading to Montreal next month woop woop!!