Almost a Five…..

So I read that Uber may ban Australian and New Zealand customers if their rating goes below a 4. I read this with much interest and mixed feelings. Part of me thinks well some people can be right nobs and to have them in close confines for even the shortest amount of time can be challenging; add the drunks, the talkers and the high and mighty and fuck there is no way I could/want to be an Uber driver. When I’m driving my car (well used to, I don’t own one now.

I live in Vancouver and it’s much cooler to be/appear poor AF and use public transport) I am in my fave place, it’s me, my music, a sold out arena and my fabulous doting fans (oh fuck off, it is MY fave place). I wouldn’t want to share that with some miserable c**t who feels entitled to a free ticket to my sold out event. Fuck off mate and buy a ticket, if ya name isn’t on the door, guess what love, you’re not coming in.

Anyways enough about me and back to my point………I will get there honest.  Okay, I was going to get there but thought I would check my Uber rating and I am happy to announce that I am a 4.79 woop woop, check me the fuck out I’m almost a 5. Lol since when has being a 5 been something to cheer about. Oh well done average Shelly, you basic bitch.

Okay let’s try again, pin ya ears back and grab the popcorn. I’ve mentioned that Black Mirror episode on Netflix called Nosedive before. It’s the one where the bird is trying to get to her friends wedding and everyone is going around rating each other out of 5 on their phones. Which you might think is far fetched and eye roll that we’re becoming too concerned about the time people spend on social media but is it actually?? People are creating fake times to impress other people or worse being in an actually awesome moment but spoiling it to grab their phones to let everyone know that they are having an awesome time. This weekend Mr C and I were at Skookum Festival and the magical fabulously awesome Florence & The Machine played. At one point Florence told everyone to put their phones away and be in the moment (as if you have to be told)!!

Fuck totally forgot where I was going with that, sorry me Chimp made an appearance and totally messed my train of thought up! Oh yeah, rating people! China are/have bringing in a Social Credit Score for their government officials and citizens, which will determine what services they can access. One dude is reportedly on a no fly list because his is shitty. You may think this is shocking (ah that’s where I was going, bare with me) but no it’s not, we do it every day, which is why when you like a pic on Instagram you just know it’s been snapped more than once or when you watch Insta stories, you know it doesn’t paint the full picture but you’ve provided someone with some sort of gratification because you’ve added to the number of folk who’s read their story.

So what would make a 5* rating? An elderly lady gets on my bus a few times a week, she brings with her a trolley stacked with bags of cans and plastic bottles which I’m assuming she takes to the depot and exchanges them for cash. All the regular commuters make room for her, giving up the fold away seats so she can get her trolley in and sit down herself. The non regular commuters are visibly offended that they are expected to give up their seats (but do so in fear of judgement) making a silent but obvious protest and trowing the old bird daggers whilst trying to balance their Starbucks and answer their emails at the same time (nightmare).

Who in this scenario would be a 5* citizen?  The elderly lady who is an obvious grafter, who can bounce daggers off her like Batman? The people who so graciously give up their seats to make room for the elderly lady? Or the people with faces like smacked arses trying to balance their Starbucks and answer their emails? I know who is 5* to me but don’t think everyone will feel the same……….

Oh and if you get a moment feel free to like, share, rate or comment. Hey I’m only human!!

 

Bore off basic Becky………

“I love bum sex”

Now I bet you’re thinking, really bird you’re going there, are you seriously going to write a blog post about your sexual preferences?! I bet you’re torn between not wanting to read on and complete and utter curiosity. Well read on my friend, go on I dare ya.

So no, this is not about sex, up the bum or however which way you prefer it. This post is about a remarkable young man who thought nothing about wearing a t-shirt with such a bold statement on it. No, I am not making it up, my nephew had a t-shirt saying “I love bum sex.” Who would wear such a thing and why?! Was he gay?

I’ll tell you who would wear such a thing, someone brave enough to not care what other people would say. Someone who instead of trying his hardest (even though it would make him unhappy) to fit in, relished in not conforming to ‘society standards’ (like wtf that does that even mean anyway. Bore off with ya ‘society standards’). Someone who thought it was perfectly normally to go to the top of the Eiffel tower and take a photo of the bin up there. He even asked some perplexed tourists, if they would mind moving so he could get the perfect picture of it. My nephew Mark was someone who made it totally acceptable to be different.

Being different must be so less tiring than being……..hmm being what? Normal? Imagine not feeling the need to look like (but not really) every other basic bitch out there. Imagine not being judged or indeed being the fucker judging by what possessions you or others own. Imagine not having to take a pic of your every breathing moment in an attempt to show people that your life is fulfilled and just so much more fun/interesting than their’s, even your friends. Imagine not competing with your friends for likes, views and all those other notifications that give us so much gratification (yes I do it to, if you looked at my Instagram it’s full of pics of my every day life. The most recent one shows you my Sunday, snack, wine and book #perfectsunday. This is me going, look at me I made my own Hummus #makeyourown ew why would anyone buy it from the store. Look at me, I read actual books #bookworm). 

There is a series of shows on Netflix called Black Mirror and one in particular called Nosedive . In this show everyone is rated out of 5 and depending how high/low you score depends on what services you get. Everything you do is rated out of 5 by everyone you come across.  This is literally what we do to ourselves on a daily basis. we critique our own and our friends lives through social media. How fucked up is that?!

In a world where everyone is so desperately conforming to be a basic Becky be a fabulously different Beryl #loveyouberyl.

Mark was only 18, we lost him 5 weeks ago tomorrow in a tragic accident and though it has been so hard for our family spending time with Mark’s friends and hearing all the stories about this wonderful human being has been heart lifting. There were lots of stories, some that made us blush, some that made us incredulous but every one of them made us laugh. They also showed us what an amazing, caring and fearless young man Mark was. Mark didn’t need possessions to make him feel whole and fulfilled, making people laugh was his gift and it was a gift he was very generous with.

RIP Little Mark xx