Half-Marathon Etiquette

I ran in a half marathon race on Sunday (yeah yeah go me right, I am fuckin awesome). Like some of the other idiots there, I did zero training (It wasn’t just me right?!), which became evident after the 10 km point. So though I cannot give out any training advice or tips (except to say that, yes you should defo do some sort of training) I can sure let you know about race etiquette (which may or may not just be my opinion) so pin ya ears back.

When you sign up for a race they will ask you what time you intend to finish it in. This isn’t to pin you down and say you have to run the race in that time. They do this to split runners down into different start groups. If you are in a faster corral, especially if you’re running with Sue, Karen, Annie, Wanda and Pauline in squad form (also really irritating), you can get in the way of faster runners.  Tips on choosing the right corral.

If you have to slow down or stop, use your arms as signals and get to the side. It is perfectly fine to stop.  I guarantee the only person judging you for stopping is yourself. Unless you’re that twat who abruptly stops in the middle of the race path, don’t be that person. Imagine it, Kim is running behind you at her 100%, she is in her element and feeling fuckin awesome; you stop abruptly and boom, poor Kim is out of the race and yes, now everyone is judging you.

When there is shade, get in it. Yes, it’s lovely the sun is shining and it’s the perfect opportunity to work on ya tan. No it’s not knobhead. It’s the perfect opportunity for sun stroke and heat exhaustion.  Save the tanning for afterwards when you can chill on a patio, being that smug fucker telling all and sundry that you just ran a half-marathon.

Whenever water, electrolytes or snacks are offered, take them. You don’t want to be that dumb fuck who turns their noses up at electrolytes in the form of sports drinks, only to get severe calf cramps at the 19 mile point on a full marathon (yes I’ve completed one of those too.  See told you I was fuckin awesome. Okay I am dumb occasionally but who isn’t) and have to be dragged to the side by some old dude and walk the rest of the way.

Don’t throw water cups at the volunteers. I know what you’re thinking, as if you need to be told to not throw water cups at the volunteers. I saw it, with my very own eyes this Sunday when I ran a half-marathon (I am fuckin awesome), some c**t so obsessed with himself didn’t look to see where he was throwing his cup and it hit a volunteer and water went all over her.  Don’t be that person.

Thank the volunteers. Mr C and I have volunteered for one race, the Hypothermic Half which is held in various cities; we were at the one in Edmonton, Alberta. Besides the fuckers taking the piss because we pronounce water properly (we’re English knobhead, we made the language up) all the runners were so lovely thanking us for volunteering.  I made sure to thank all (okay a lot of) the volunteers on Sunday when I was running the half-marathon (I am fuckin awesome). I even thanked the Scientology lot who had set up a table. To be fair, they had the best, much needed snacks, bless them………………….

If you see a person with their hand held out for a high five or holding a sign saying “power up here.” Don’t be a miserable twat, give the weirdos their high fives and hit their signs. They could be taking part in the only way they can. At least they’re there cheering you on, when any normal person would be in bed at such a god awful (sorry) time on a Sunday morning.  Don’t be a judgey twat.

Don’t judge your fellow runners and assume you can run faster than them because you’re smaller or younger. I used to do this all time, look at a person and think I could easily beat them. It really doesn’t work like that.  It doesn’t matter if someone is older, bigger or wearing a banana suit, don’t compare yourself to others, everyone is running their own race.

Don’t judge yourself, another tough one. We set our goals and tear ourselves apart if we don’t reach them. Guess what, if you don’t run as fast as you wanted to or ran as far as you wanted to, you can train and do it again. That’s the best thing about running, if you keep at it you will for sure see improvement.

So they’re all my tips on race etiquette, hopefully it was a useful read!!!

 

 

 

 

Might get a boob job……

I went to hip hop dance class last night, I’m trying to diversify my dance skills for when Bèy reaches out and asks me to star in one of her videos (I’m visualizing the fuck out of this, so it will happen soon. All you doubters can fuck right off with ya eye rolls). I must say, I reckon pretty soon I will be ready for the big time. Must remember that it’s all about patterns and that music is a road map. That’s what our instructor said and that little fella can move so I’m going to pay attention to him.

He also said that we should not act like it’s school and not to talk to people we don’t know but get to know each other and high five each other (I did eye roll then, what is it with the fuckin high fiving, you just said we’re not in high school mate). I think me asking some random bird in the changing rooms for a hair tie shows that I am happy to make friends with my fellow dancers (okay potential dancers but you should have heard our stomps, we sounded proper fierce).

If anyone is interested the classes take place at Harbour Dance Centre which is conveniently right next to a bar with a patio.

I was so unprepared that morning that I’d almost forgotten dance class, it was one of those mornings that even Eric couldn’t get me out of bed until the very last safe moment. Yep, I was hungover AF (don’t judge it was Wednesday the day before and we all know what that means). Mr C and I have been doing alright at not drinking through the week (excuse me whilst I polish my halo) so figured I should celebrate my achievement.

Okay so onto the boob thing. Back to dance class, a bird was there and she obviously had fake boobs and she was owning them. Whichever way she moved those things went right with her. Now I’m not judging (you know me, I’m no judgey bitch) on the contrary, I think it was fab that she was owning the awesomeness of her fake boobs. They obviously filled her with confidence as she proper sassed her movements up. This bird was very happy with her reflection. I on the other hand avoided the mirror (unless I knew I was dancing fabulously) and when I did get a glimpse I chastised myself for my terrible posture. My arms looked good though (I’ve been working out).

As I get older (ugh that sounds shit eh but how else do you say it. As I grow, as I mature……..they all sound shit so let’s not try and jazz it up), I do find myself looking in the mirror at those crinkly soft lines that have appeared around my eyes and wonder if a Botox injection is on the cards. Or if me boobs could do with a lift or boost or whatever you call it.  Or if I should get the hairs on me chin zapped before it turns into a full on beard and Mr C and I are fighting over the last blade!!

At the same time, as I spend this last year in my thirties, I can truly say that I am the happiest I have ever been. Life is fuckin awesome and I’m not saying that to put a positive spin on getting older, saggy boobs (okay not yet but inevitably), wrinkles or chin hair. I’m not even saying it to be an irritating positive bitch (haters gonna hate). Life just is awesome. So I’m not going to sweat the small stuff and when I turn forty I will not sink myself into a drunken stupor mourning for my youth. Okay, I will sink into a drunken stupor and I might actually mourn for my youth but I will be having fun!

In other news, he did it Mr C has talked me into signing up for racing the planet desert race . We are going to the Atacama desert in 2019 and are going to cover 250 kms in 7 days. It’s fuckin stupid I know but if you’re going to have a mid life crisis, might as well make it a challenging one!

We are moving……….again!!

So despite us getting a pre-approval, the bank decided to fuck us off for a mortgage because Mr C is a contractor and well, I don’t have a job!! We find ourselves having the opposite problem of most people; we have a deposit but not enough pay slips! That’s okay though, there are lots of changes happening in the Real Estate world here in Vancouver. It will be interesting to see what affect these changes have on house prices and you never know, maybe this time next year we will be able to buy a 2 bedroom rather than a 1 bedroom apartment!

We have found a great place to rent for a year, which we are moving into next weekend, it has a massive patio and I am so excited to start having people around again. Think we will do a BBQ for the house warming, hopefully the neighbours are v chill!!

In other news one of my good friends ate enough Beets (Beetroot for any Brits. I know, weird eh, it took me a while to drop the root part) last week to turn her pee red. Yes, these are the type of conversations I have with my friends. You don’t have to be crazy to be one of my friends but it sure does help!

So as well as packing, and applying for jobs next week, I will also be experimenting to see how much Beetroot I have to eat to turn my pee colour.  Such a busy week ahead of me, I best make sure I get plenty of chill time in today. Sunday roast, walk to Granville with me boys then pub later for a couple of glasses of ‘Mystery’ wine with some random birds I met on Facebook who I plan on forming a running group with.  I haven’t ran in a while, lets hope me legs still work when they actually want to meet up for a run!!

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See I am a runner, I have all the kit and everything!!

 

 

 

This year I will mostly be mastering Pad Thai!

Well hello 2018 how excited are we all that you’re here! So just like a lot of people I’m all about “new year new me” and I’m pretty excited. 2017 was pretty awesome starting with a work promotion, a fun road trip in the middle and ending with us moving to the fabulous Vancouver.

So my new years resolution or 2018 goals for those who “don’t believe in new years resolutions” (insert eye roll) are:

#1 Master Pad Thai – the first time I ever went to a Thai restaurant was when I first met Mr C, and I got a right shitty on because you couldn’t get plain noodles Chow Mein style (these had become part of my staple diet, well actually I had them for dinner most nights with a big grease oozing spring roll). If you can imagine a scally (proper chav) sounding scouse-ish giving it pure attitude saying “whadya mean you don’t have chow mein” that was me. You can only imagine how Mr C felt though this wasn’t as bad as the time he took me to a seafood restaurant and my dinner came out with the head still intact but I digress.

After visiting Thailand and falling in love with this stunning country including the food Pad Thai became one of my fave things to eat. When I move to a new city I am always on a mission to seek out the best Pad Thai or even something that resembles the authentic version (you know not those Westernized ones covered in sauce).  When I lived in Edmonton my lovely work colleagues and I would visit Sawaddee in Sherwood Park at least once a week. The Pad Thai was so good that we always made sure we ordered the dinner size portion and not the lunch special portion. The service here was also excellent, they didn’t eye roll once when my work wife asked for extra peanuts every single time! I haven’t found my fave Pad Thai here in Vancouver yet so if anyone has any recommendations let me know.

I did have a first attempt on New years Eve at Pad Thai, I got the recipe from Nagi at Recipe Tin eats (side note Mr C thought he was hilarious when he said her name sounded like mine, he literally could not stop laughing at his own joke #dontbeatwatnath). This recipe was so yummy except we used the wrong noodles; Noodles are noodles right, no they are not you pair of tits. We ended up with a big pile of mush but even better Mr C did not shell the Prawns properly. Chewing on Prawn shell is not pleasant.

We did do a cooking class when we were in Thailand maybe I should just dig out the recipe book!

Cooking class Thailand
Enjoying the fab Thai food we cooked at Pum’s cooking school on Phi Phi Island

#2 Run a marathon – I have signed up for the Vancouver marathon in May and keep telling myself I have ages before I have to start training! This weekend I will be purchasing a lovely new running jacket and runners, it is sad I know but these things will help me to get out and started. I AM NOT MATERIALISTIC!!

#3 Visit Peru – Complete the Inca trail – Bore off with ya all inclusive holidays, why would anybody want to lounge around a pool being bought drinks all day. Sounds awful eh! We would much rather go exploring and risk becoming home to some random flesh eating bug and see the wondrous Machu Picchu.

#4 Drink less – Boooo I know boring right but Mr C and I have agreed zero drops of booze during the week. It will be interesting to see how much money we save!

I think that is enough to keep me busy.  I do also intend on getting a job in the next few weeks, I guess that should be a priority!

In other news, I have signed up for a fun looking dance workshop with RSVP 33 which a friend told me about. I just know once I’m there they will be so impressed when my inner Beyonce comes out and give me a job. That’s it, I will become an instructor woop woop. I just hope that my inner Beyonce can dance as well sober as she thinks she does when she is drunk!!

You Don’t have to be Big to be Strong

Well I did it, I dragged myself out of bed this morning and went for a run, granted this was after Mr C went on a recce to check weather conditions and in all honesty, I did have a cuppa in bed before going!

It was a lovely run, with the sun shining down and the snow covered mountains giving me gentle encouragement. I did take a bit longer to take pics, not selfies (not without me face on) but pics of the beautiful city I live in where the sea meets the glorious mountains.

Run views

After saying hi to Ellsie and taking in the views, feeling smug AF that I live here, I stopped using it as an excuse and continued with my run.

Then I saw it, the scene that made me instantly smile and say “gohead girl” (in my head of course mustn’t forget I’m British). This small dog ran past me carrying a massive tree branch (don’t judge she had four legs, I only have two). This dog and her owner were having so much fun throwing and retrieving this oversized branch. The determination and strength this small dog showed that you don’t have to be big to be strong.

 

This made me think about Toff (real name Georgia Toffolo) who is in the show ‘Made in Chelsea’ (British reality show following posh people) and currently kicking arse in ‘I’m a Celebrity’ (another British reality show, following celebs sat in a camp in a jungle). This bird is small and posh AF, she has all the makings to be this years celebrity who mercifully gets punished by the delightful British public by being picked to do all of the challenges. But no, she is strong and not afraid to do anything, which she proved when she lay in a box 20 metres in the air with twenty Pythons slithering all over her. She did let her guard down once by swearing at the snakes but followed this by apologising for being rude!

This bird proves that you don’t have to be big to be strong; strength comes to us in all forms and coupled with determination can help smash the toughest of challenges.

In other news, the Carter family tree has been chosen and yes we carried it from the tree lot just like they do in the movies!!

Tree

A Cuppa in Bed

I didn’t run today, I just didn’t feel like it. Mr C got up first and asked if I wanted a brew which was a lovely idea so that’s exactly what I did. As I was drinking my tea in the warm confines of my duvet with Eric snuggling me (Eric is our dog), I did contemplate getting up and running but that’s as far as I got. Don’t be judgey, I’m sure even Paula Radcliffe would forgo a run to chill with a cup of tea in bed!

What I did do this morning is go to the library, I haven’t been to a library to check out a book since I was a small child and then I spent half my time trying to convince the Librarians to give me an adult card.  The Librarian I spoke to this morning didn’t appear to be in the best of moods when she said I could use the self serve check out and had to ask where they are. “Right behind you” she told me in a deadpan voice. She didn’t even grin when I replied “sorry first time in a library.” The book I got was ‘the life-changing magic of tidying up’ by Marie Kondo. I hate tidying and cleaning, I fully expect this book to turn me into a domestic goddess!

Anyways, it’s 1st December which means tree day woop woop, I am so excited it’s ridiculous. We are buying our tree from a family run tree lot just a few blocks away and even the thought of carrying it home like you see people doing in the movies is making me break out grinning.

In other news Mr C has been offered a Project Management role and been accepted to study for his MBA. I fear that he is going to be very busy and I’m going to lose my only member of staff, wtf!

 

I Raced a Boat!!

I really did, just this morning on my run and I won. The driver (no idea what you call a boat person) was giving it his all and the crows were cheering for me encouraging me to go faster. At least that is what was happening in my head! In reality I don’t think the boat driver even saw me and the crows, well lets be honest, they can’t cheer can they. But I did run this morning woop woop!

Mr C booked us a fab place for our celebratory dinner last night called Mission it was so yummy. We had the tasting menu with wine pairings which was optional (as if you would have dinner without wine) and we were not disappointed. It was the best meal out we’d had in a long time, it was the type of food that made you do that little appreciation dance in your chair (you know the one right, it’s not just me). There was five courses and we were full once we had finished though this did not stop us from throwing in a cheese board.

In addition to the amazing food and lovely atmosphere our server Rachelle was very knowledgeable about wine which makes sense as she is a Sommelier! I also liked that she didn’t laugh at me when I asked if the crackers made out of potato starch were made by boiling potatoes and using the potato water….so plausible.

In other news, Mr C had to pull poo out of Eric’s bum this morning apparently this was due to my hair getting everywhere. Just to clarify Eric is our dog!