I was on the bus yesterday on my way to an interview (I’ve been doing this a lot lately, it’s amazing what happens when you actually apply for jobs) and this larger bird got on wearing, ripped fishnet stockings, a skirt that showed her arse and extensions that were, well obvs extensions. She was awesome.
She got on the bus and sat down next to a very well dressed lady who visibly cringed at this bird’s appearance. Now some people having this physical effect on a person might have moved or made themselves as small as possible, did this bird do that, no! This bird turned to the very well dressed lady and engaged her in conversation by saying “I like your bag.” It was brilliant and such a fabulous way of saying “fuck you” she killed her with kindness.
So next time you feel like someone is being a judgy bitch, embrace it, don’t take it personal and say something nice about them (even if they are complete horrors and have no right judging you) #killthemwithkindness.
In other news, I met some random birds last night (don’t get carried away, it was a networking/ make new friends event); this is also something I’ve been doing a lot lately and it so weird when you first walk into a place not knowing anyone like proper awkward. It’s like dating for friends, please be my friend, promise I’m not a complete lunatic (it’s way more fun letting them find out for themselves). So if you are a bird and new to Vancouver, look for a Facebook group called Girl Crew Vancouver. There really is no need to feel lonely here in Vancouver.
I know, can you believe I have another story about being a judgy bitch within a matter of days of the previous one (for anyone nodding their heads saying ‘nope not surprised at all’ fuck you)?! I was waiting at the bus stop (proper embracing being a bus stop wanker) minding my own business, thinking about the awesome curry I was going to make tonight and how all this shitty snow makes for a perfect weekend of nothingness. A homeless (totes assuming this cause well, he looked it) guy says “like your hat.” I obvs plastered a big smile on my face and replied “thanks mate” expecting him to keep on walking.
This guy grabs a piece of cardboard pulls out a pen and starts drawing me; he said that I was pretty and asked if I was a model. I laughed and told him that right there and then I was his model but no I am not a model! We had a good old chat about music, I told him that I loved country music and he said “country music is the only music you can make a steady income from.” I asked him why and he replied “because everyone likes to cry.” Now I kinda see where he was coming from though I get nothing but joy from one of my fave country songs right now It Ain’t My Fault.
So he gave me the drawing and I apologised as I didn’t have any cash and had no cigarettes that he asked for. I said to him “thank you, I feel terrible that you have given me something that made my day yet have nothing to give you.” He asked if I would go to the store across the road and buy him some pens to which I agreed. The store was Shopper Drug Mart (like Boots if you’re in the UK). We walked in and I thought here we go, he’s going to ask me to buy him some over the counter drugs. My opinion was justified when he said we needed to go upstairs where the pharmacy is; in my head I was debating whether I should actually buy him drugs or not (it’s fuckin freezing and what else would he do with his money).
Imagine what a c**t I felt when he took us to the stationery aisle where sure thing, there was marker pens. Even when out of pure guilt I said “mate get whatever you need” he picked up one pack of markers and was so thankful. We went to pay and I spoke to the server in the disdainful manner she showed my new friend (judgy bitch) who had way better manners than me! Outside we said goodbye and he went to shake my hand and though my inner voice was screaming at me not to, I gave him a hug (probably down to the two glasses of wine I had with lunch), like a proper hug that I give my lovely friends. He ran off not looking back once, yelling thanks. What a c**t!
Have you ever tried to be one of those lovely decent human beings who don’t judge themselves or others? Well after reading a lovely book called The Four Agreements I decided that from now on, I will not judge other people and indeed myself. However, saying and sticking to this agreement is mad hard (is that just me or what? Is it a terrible personality trait? Omg I am a terrible human being!!! Fuck, now I’m judging myself argh).
So off I went with this delightful thought in my head and sunshine firing out me bum; I was off to ‘Wine Wednesday’ to meet a bunch of strangers I’d met on Facebook (don’t judge). I get on the bus, which is busy and see that some guy is sat in the very middle of the back seat taking up much more room than he should be. I’ll show this fucker I thought and I did. I marched right to the back of the bus, gave a curt “excuse me” and plonked down into the seat, making sure I took up the exact amount of room that I was entitled to.
Once settled and resigned to the fact that the assignments the guy on the other side of me was marking were in French, I went back into me head to think about not judging. Now earlier that day I had witnessed a man not picking his dog poo up and according to my new angelic way of thinking, I was not to judge him. How can you not judge someone who does not pick up their dog’s poo?! It is just pure laziness, if you’re not going to pick up your dog’s poo, then you shouldn’t have one. It’s those fuckers who get us responsible families banned from beaches and parks, bunch of ****s (don’t want anyone judging me for using such a misunderstood word).
Okay so it can be difficult to not be judgy but not picking your dog poo up and man-spread on public transport is surely fair game right? I look around the bus at my fellow bus peeps with a big smile, radiating positivity and then you will never guess what I see; A Millennial gets on the bus, now baring in mind it was snowing and freezing here in Vancouver yesterday, this muppet was not wearing socks!!!!!! I know it’s a thing to not wear socks, it’s trendy and makes your Converse look cute but mate your feet must be freezing.
This is all proving to much for me and my non-judgy mind so I blank everyone out and go back into me head. I managed to remain there for all of five seconds until what I can only describe as the horrors of sweet overpowering Joop aftershave attacking my senses and breaking my blissful running through a flowery meadow vision. I open my eyes glare around the bus trying to work out who would do this. Non sock boy is still there, fuckin idiot, his feet must be blocks of ice by now.
As going into me head wasn’t working, I decided to be a normal person, put me head down and look at me phone. Wondering who else was going to be at the ‘Wine Wednesday’ I decide to check out the event details. Guess what…………………’Wine Wednesday’ is next week. Get off this bus you fuckin idiot!!!!