You what love?!!

I was sat in the Slug & Lettuce in Manchester Piccadilly, a couple of glasses of wine in and struggling to keep my composure.  The tears were threatening to start falling and there was a sob inside me that was willing me to let it out. Why do you ask were you on the breaking point of an emotional break down? Did someone offend you? Was it actually happy emotions because you were back in Manchester and was able to go to the bar, order your massive glass of wine (with no fucker judging because it’s a standard glass here) and not have to sit at a table waiting for a server, to tell them you would like a glass of wine, for them to tell someone else you would like a glass of wine, then have to wait for that person to pour the said wine, then wait on the server to bring it to you (I do love Canada but this irks the shit out of me).

Maybe it’s the stylish decor and the comfy seats or the delightful familiarity of being surrounded by people who get as drunk as you but it’s okay because it’s a laugh.  Maybe it’s tears of laughter because you witnessed a table of birds shoo a very drunk bloke away who was trying to convince them to sing happy birthday to his mate. Or could it be that someone came in wearing leggings on a Friday late afternoon, nah not in Manchester.

Ok, I can sense you are being impatient and want to know right now or maybe you don’t because I’ve waffled on for too long, so now you don’t give a fuck. Bye Felicia……

My niece made me cry, yep that bird who I am super close to and would murder anyone who hurt her (declaration: before anyone gets excited, obvs I wouldn’t really murder someone and this is not a threat……….) had me on the brink of making a right twat of myself in the middle of a bar in Manchester. What did she say you might ask? Did she say wtf are you doing here? Did she say, well you look a right fuckin mess (which would have been fair after an epic journey from Vancouver)! Did she point out the hairs on me chin (oh fuck off, we all get them and if you don’t yet, you have it all to look forward to).

Nope, none of that, my niece said  “I am so proud of you” and even now writing this, it chokes me.  My awesome cool, trendy, successful niece, who achieved a first for her Bachelors degree, has a job that she loves designing shit and travels more than me, said that she was proud of me!

Now, I imagine you are wondering (or not), why I would have that reaction to my niece, saying she was proud me. Those words are not the typical words I grew up with; In fact the first time I remember hearing those words, were from my Platoon Sergeant in basic training, when he told me that I had successfully completed my course. You could see the utter confusion on his face to have this tough cookie, who spent a lot of her training doing press ups and marking time in jail, bawling her eyes out in front him. These words were alien to me and I think another part of it was that, I was also damn proud of myself; I had literally just succeeded in dragging myself out of poverty and was about to start the chapter that would define the rest of my life.

So the point, what is the point of this post?!! Firstly just to brag about how awesome my niece is, she also writes a blog called Pack and Paint, which if you love art and travelling is defo one for you to follow,

Secondly, never underestimate the effect you have on people.  Even if you don’t know someone on a deep personal level, your words can have a huge impact on their lives.

Thirdly, if someone did have a positive impact on your life and maybe doesn’t know it, reach out and tell them and say thank you.  If someone had/is having a negative impact on your life, forget about them, cut them off.  For some reason, we seem to give these toxic fuckers far more attention than they deserve. Picture yourself pushing them over a cliff in your head (IN YOUR HEAD) and letting them go, such a good exercise.

Chat soon x

Would you take a shit at work?

I know, I know, this is going to be another crude post and yet again I am talking about shit. At least this time it’s about human shit and not bird shit………..just read that back, it doesn’t make it better does it?!

So I have been at my new job now for 3 weeks, I was going to say 3 whole weeks but truth be told, none of those 3 weeks have been whole (cheers mate). Next week will be my first full week and tbh (that means ‘to be honest’ for you older folk, alright and folk my age) I don’t know how I’m going to do it! Like seriously how do people have jobs, have a social life and manage to do all that adulting stuff?!  We have already transitioned to getting our groceries and Eric’s food delivered.  We even have a bird who comes in and walks Eric most days (he loves her the traitorous little bastard). There was even talk about hiring a cleaner and someone to do the ironing the other day (apparently doing it after Sunday arvo drinking isn’t such a great idea and is a pretty pointless exercise).

When I wasn’t working I wasted so much time doing nothing, doing nothing was what took all my time up! Every time Mr C would ask what I’m doing, I would respond with “cleaning,” but we lived in a 1 bed 1 bath apartment. Now, every bit of time is accounted for, we have our routine scheduled TF. Wake up at 05:45, cuddle Eric until 06:00, I work out, Mr C takes Eric for a walk. Mr C leaves at 07:00, I leave at 07:30. We still don’t make the most of our time after work, though we are signing up to a Crossfit class next week to see if we like it. Mr C is also studying his MBA and I have important research to do, which includes watching TOWIE and any ‘Real Housewives of …….’ (don’t be a judgy twat, it’s v entertaining).

Anyways, I have totally digressed (I know right, how posh is that word. Posh AF me) and need to get onto the actual topic of this blog post as indicated in the title. So I am back in the the office world and where I work is v modern and all open concept and booths. There is approx. 30 peeps in the office (mostly birds) and we share 3 toilets (washrooms, bathrooms, restrooms, the loo, whatever you want to call it but basically, the place you go to shit and pee). These toilets are always v clean but bloody stink more often than should be deemed socially acceptable. Now I know what you’re thinking (okay some of you) but it’s a toilet, how else is it supposed to smell?!

I agree, you shouldn’t go to the toilet expecting it to smell of Roses, it’s a toilet for god sakes and has a very definitive function. But, it’s a public toilet, once you leave it you can guarantee someone else is going to use it after you.  I almost threw up when I walked into one today, something which I haven’t done in a long time (okay, that’s lie, I threw up last Saturday but totally unrelatable, that was down to dodgy Oysters…..and far to much Cider on an empty stomach).

So be a sweetheart, have a shit before you come to work; unless you’re a Vegan, apparently their shit doesn’t smell!

In other news, nah I haven’t actually got any, far to busy working, drinking and talking shit to have other news!!

So about last weekend…….

It was mental like proper mental, along with my lovely friends we certainly made it a memorable weekend, left a lasting print on Vancouver (including my local wine shop) and made some new friends!

I won’t go into details, especially how one of us got a war wound and another motor boarded a new friends boobs (fully consented of course). We did have a lot of fun when the must drunken one of us found a phone that had been left in a taxi. Contrary to her strong belief and insistence, it did not belong to any of us.  When the owner called we had made some fabulous stories up about them and shared our hilarity with the server we’d had the previous night, who just happened to also be serving us brunch (she was our new BFF).  Anyway, the owner was reunited with her phone and that was the end of that!

I had a fabulous weekend and loved it when another awesome friend messaged me the next day saying “You have a wonderful group of empowering women for friends. Thanks for the reminder of the power of girls gangs.” An this is so true, all of my female friends are badass women; so to all of you, keep on slaying and own your awesomeness!

To anyone who needs help remembering their awesomeness I highly recommend reading the book in the pic. It’s an easy read, a bit sweary and full of useful advice. If you don’t want to buy the book then go stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you are fuckin awesome. Have a wonderful day!

Blog post pic

Hi My Name Is Michelle and I Didn’t Finish The Book…..

This was me last night at my first meeting of my new potential bookclub; as I said these words I wondered what their reactions would be. Would they be a bunch of judgey bitches and reluctantly welcome me to the table, would they caveat this with my silence whilst they all discussed the intricacies of the book. Would I be banished to sit at the bar until their discussion had finished? Would that glass of wine I had before heading out give me the guts to come out with a sassy but dignified reply if they did shun me. There was nothing to worry about, they welcomed me with open arms, informing me it doesn’t matter if you read the book; I sat down relieved and vowing to not tell them that I am currently not working so could have finished it, I just didn’t!

I knew they were the perfect book club when a girl sat down next to me announcing that she hated the book, then another appeared stating she doesn’t really read but just wanted to meet people and had been sat at the bar for the past hour speed reading. Yes, my kind of straight talking birds.

After a quick intro about the girly bookclub (it’s an international bookclub and we are the Vancouver chapter……..I’ve never been in a chapter, check me out) we got down to discussing the book, which was The Things We Wish Were True.  As I mentioned, I hadn’t finished it so it was full of spoiler alerts and got me excited for tonight when Mr C is out and I can cosy down with a glass (okay bottle) of wine and finish it off.

I read the other day that 30 percent of young people in Vancouver are lonely; what a sad stat; it is hard to make new friends especially when you move to a new city.  I first discovered Meetup when I moved from the UK to Edmonton, Canada 4.5 years ago, it was awesome then and is great now. I met a good friend on there in another bookclub in Edmonton who now also happens to live in Vancouver. There are even groups specifically for those who are shy and not comfortable with being around a lot of people. So if you are in Vancouver and feeling lonely pop over to Meetup and see if any of the groups interest you.

In other news, I was at a lovely Christmas party on Saturday dressed up and even wearing heels…..it was those fuckers (okay it might have been the mixture of cider, wine and eggnog) that made me go flying like a sack of spuds when we left, which caused me to have this complete over reaction breakdown in the taxi on the way home. It was that bad even the taxi driver said “hey sister, it’s okay.” Oh well tis the season!

 

Wine Head!

So today was a  massive fail for my running Mr C got offered a job yesterday which was a great excuse to go to the pub and celebrate, which we did. Unfortunetly it turned out to be one of those evenings were we forgot we are responsible adults and got totally carried away in the wine shop when we found a 1L bottle of wine. I knew we were on the way to drunksville by the fact that we didn’t realise or remember it was a 1L bottle until we got home and placed it next to the normal size bottle of wine we bought (just in case the 1L wasn’t enough for a Tuesday night)!! Making Mr C buy me the biggest bouquet of flowers en route home was also a good indicator of how we would be feeling this morning.

As one would expect we both woke up this morning with wine heads totally grateful that neither of us had jobs to go to! Mr C promised himself that he would do a make up run this afternoon but he’s currently sat opposite me looking at doggy rain coats (Eric isn’t a fan of getting his ears wet).

The day has been pretty unproductive though I did manage to accomplish the inspirational tasks laid out in my diary (day planner if you’re not British). Buy a Yellow Umbrella it said and being the diligent task orientated person I am (evidently) I ordered one woop woop. I must admit I was also inspired by the colourful lady yesterday and wanted to also be a splash of colour in the grey horizon of Vancouver.

Anyways, back on the running tomorrow, though we are going for a celebratory dinner tonight…………