Bitch please….

Do you ever get that smuggy feeling, you know when you’re doing something that makes you feel like you’re being a full on functional, responsible adult living their best life (who totally cringes at that saying………….me when it’s not me saying it). That’s how I feel when I bike into work, you should hear the shit that comes out of my mouth, it ranges from “it has such an impact on how my day goes, I just find that I am so more productive when I bike in” to “it’s so much nicer than sitting on transit”.

Who the fuck am I kidding…. When I don’t bike in, I can leave my apartment at 07:50 rather than 07:15, that’s a whole 35 minutes of reading the hate mail. I don’t start my working day looking like a beetroot and I’m contributing to the economy (see smug af).

I was having this roller coaster ride this morning as I biked in. I had to bike in, I told Mr C that I was going to and I could see that he was starting to regret buying me the nice bike and fancy Garmin watch that I absolutely needed if I was to bike in! It was particularly difficult when some fucker went by me on an electric bike as I’m blowing out me arse trying to make it up a hill (do not get me started on those things), now they looked really smug.

Being in a book club also makes me smug, like look at me, I read that much I’m actually in a club with a bunch of sophisticated ladies; we have very intellectual discussions about books, it’s all rather v pleasant. It’s not though, we get together once a month, laugh that most of us haven’t read the book and get drunk, it’s brilliant!

I hate other smug fuckers though, don’t you? I was at the bus stop the other day (don’t judge, I can’t be a smug af bike commuter every day) and stood dutifully in line next to two young birds being annoyingly loud af. The conversation went like this:

Bird 1 – “have you watched Fleabag?”

Bird 2 – “no is it good?”

Bird 1 – ” it’s ok, it’s basically watching a dysfunctional person’s life”

The tone in which the last line was said was so full of judgement and smug bitchiness that I wanted to say something (not a citizen yet, so best not). Fleabag is awesome, yes she’s dysfunctional but she’s also real and hilarious and I love her! What the show isn’t is “ok” it’s brilliant and that’s not just me saying so, it scores 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. My sister in law introduced the show to me when we were back in blighty and we literally sat on the couch whilst the family did the family things with the children and binged watched it.

“Ok”……….bitch please.

 

See for yourself and let me know what you think.

 

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Eric paws
Eric enjoying Sunday chills.

Hi My Name Is Michelle and I Didn’t Finish The Book…..

This was me last night at my first meeting of my new potential bookclub; as I said these words I wondered what their reactions would be. Would they be a bunch of judgey bitches and reluctantly welcome me to the table, would they caveat this with my silence whilst they all discussed the intricacies of the book. Would I be banished to sit at the bar until their discussion had finished? Would that glass of wine I had before heading out give me the guts to come out with a sassy but dignified reply if they did shun me. There was nothing to worry about, they welcomed me with open arms, informing me it doesn’t matter if you read the book; I sat down relieved and vowing to not tell them that I am currently not working so could have finished it, I just didn’t!

I knew they were the perfect book club when a girl sat down next to me announcing that she hated the book, then another appeared stating she doesn’t really read but just wanted to meet people and had been sat at the bar for the past hour speed reading. Yes, my kind of straight talking birds.

After a quick intro about the girly bookclub (it’s an international bookclub and we are the Vancouver chapter……..I’ve never been in a chapter, check me out) we got down to discussing the book, which was The Things We Wish Were True.  As I mentioned, I hadn’t finished it so it was full of spoiler alerts and got me excited for tonight when Mr C is out and I can cosy down with a glass (okay bottle) of wine and finish it off.

I read the other day that 30 percent of young people in Vancouver are lonely; what a sad stat; it is hard to make new friends especially when you move to a new city.  I first discovered Meetup when I moved from the UK to Edmonton, Canada 4.5 years ago, it was awesome then and is great now. I met a good friend on there in another bookclub in Edmonton who now also happens to live in Vancouver. There are even groups specifically for those who are shy and not comfortable with being around a lot of people. So if you are in Vancouver and feeling lonely pop over to Meetup and see if any of the groups interest you.

In other news, I was at a lovely Christmas party on Saturday dressed up and even wearing heels…..it was those fuckers (okay it might have been the mixture of cider, wine and eggnog) that made me go flying like a sack of spuds when we left, which caused me to have this complete over reaction breakdown in the taxi on the way home. It was that bad even the taxi driver said “hey sister, it’s okay.” Oh well tis the season!