Judgy Bitch Part 2

I know, can you believe I have another story about being a judgy bitch within a matter of days of the previous one (for anyone nodding their heads saying ‘nope not surprised at all’ fuck you)?! I was waiting at the bus stop (proper embracing being a bus stop wanker) minding my own business, thinking about the awesome curry I was going to make tonight and how all this shitty snow makes for a perfect weekend of nothingness. A homeless (totes assuming this cause well, he looked it) guy says “like your hat.” I obvs plastered a big smile on my face and replied “thanks mate” expecting him to keep on walking.

This guy grabs a piece of cardboard pulls out a pen and starts drawing me; he said that I was pretty and asked if I was a model. I laughed and told him that right there and then I was his model but no I am not a model! We had a good old chat about music, I told him that I loved country music and he said “country music is the only music you can make a steady income from.” I asked him why and he replied “because everyone likes to cry.” Now I kinda see where he was coming from though I get nothing but joy from one of my fave country songs right now It Ain’t My Fault.

So he gave me the drawing and I apologised as I didn’t have any cash and had no cigarettes that he asked for. I said to him “thank you, I feel terrible that you have given me something that made my day yet have nothing to give you.” He asked if I would go to the store across the road and buy him some pens to which I agreed. The store was Shopper Drug Mart (like Boots if you’re in the UK). We walked in and I thought here we go, he’s going to ask me to buy him some over the counter drugs. My opinion was justified when he said we needed to go upstairs where the pharmacy is; in my head I was debating whether I should actually buy him drugs or not (it’s fuckin freezing and what else would he do with his money).

Imagine what a c**t I felt when he took us to the stationery aisle where sure thing, there was marker pens. Even when out of pure guilt I said “mate get whatever you need” he picked up one pack of markers and was so thankful. We went to pay and I spoke to the server in the disdainful manner she showed my new friend (judgy bitch) who had way better manners than me! Outside we said goodbye and he went to shake my hand and though my inner voice was screaming at me not to, I gave him a hug (probably down to the two glasses of wine I had with lunch), like a proper hug that I give my lovely friends. He ran off not looking back once, yelling thanks. What a c**t!

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“Like Your Hat”

Judgy Bitch!

Have you ever tried to be one of those lovely decent human beings who don’t judge themselves or others? Well after reading a lovely book called The Four Agreements I decided that from now on, I will not judge other people and indeed myself. However, saying and sticking to this agreement is mad hard (is that just me or what? Is it a terrible personality trait? Omg I am a terrible human being!!! Fuck, now I’m judging myself argh).

So off I went with this delightful thought in my head and sunshine firing out me bum; I was off to ‘Wine Wednesday’ to meet a bunch of strangers I’d met on Facebook (don’t judge). I get on the bus, which is busy and see that some guy is sat in the very middle of the back seat taking up much more room than he should be. I’ll show this fucker I thought and I did. I marched right to the back of the bus, gave a curt “excuse me” and plonked down into the seat, making sure I took up the exact amount of room that I was entitled to.

Once settled and resigned to the fact that the assignments the guy on the other side of me was marking were in French, I went back into me head to think about not judging. Now earlier that day I had witnessed a man not picking his dog poo up and according to my new angelic way of thinking, I was not to judge him. How can you not judge someone who does not pick up their dog’s poo?! It is just pure laziness, if you’re not going to pick up your dog’s poo, then you shouldn’t have one. It’s those fuckers who get us responsible families banned from beaches and parks, bunch of ****s (don’t want anyone judging me for using such a misunderstood word).

Okay so it can be difficult to not be judgy but not picking your dog poo up and man-spread on public transport is surely fair game right? I look around the bus at my fellow bus peeps with a big smile, radiating positivity and then you will never guess what I see; A Millennial gets on the bus, now baring in mind it was snowing and freezing here in Vancouver yesterday, this muppet was not wearing socks!!!!!! I know it’s a thing to not wear socks, it’s trendy and makes your Converse look cute but mate your feet must be freezing.

This is all proving to much for me and my non-judgy mind so I blank everyone out and go back into me head. I managed to remain there for all of five seconds until what I can only describe as the horrors of sweet overpowering Joop aftershave attacking my senses and breaking my blissful running through a flowery meadow vision. I open my eyes glare around the bus trying to work out who would do this. Non sock boy is still there, fuckin idiot, his feet must be blocks of ice by now.

As going into me head wasn’t working, I decided to be a normal person, put me head down and look at me phone. Wondering who else was going to be at the ‘Wine Wednesday’ I decide to check out the event details. Guess what…………………’Wine Wednesday’ is next week. Get off this bus you fuckin idiot!!!!

FFS smile will ya

Hi my name is Eric and me Mum said that I could try me paw out at writing a blog post. I guess I should start with telling you a bit about myself. I am a 3 year old Boxer originally from Sherwood Park, Alberta and grew up in Edmonton; I love going for long walks, running on the beach, chilling in the sun, hunting squirrels (sorry if that offends), raw bones, peanut butter, bananas and the occasional bit of cheese.  I also enjoy snoozing, farting and making people smile.

Making people smile is actually my super power, which is actually pretty easy for me, a lot of people smile just by looking at my handsome face and bouncing ears. Like take now for example I was out walking me Mum and this lady who was out with her granddaughter not only smiled but stopped us so she could say hello. I gave her my best customer service, shoved my butt towards her, leaned on her legs and wagged my nubbin like there was no tomorrow. This lady said that she used to have a Boxer and now all other dogs are shite in comparison (okay she didn’t use those exact word but that’s basically what she meant).

Me Mum and I often go on missions to make people smile (she is still job hunting) and experiment with our targets. What we’ve found is that my super power literally works on anyone. Occasionally it doesn’t work but that’s okay, we debrief afterwards and identify ‘lessons learnt.’ Even the posh folk love me, like back to that lady who stopped us today, she sounded posh AF, even posher than when me Mum does her posh voice and me and Dad look at each other eye rolling in harmony.

Anyways, that’s it for me first post, I’m knackered after me walk and need to catch some sleep before me next mission. If you want to follow me on my missions I have a hashtag on Instagram #Ericsdiary.  We are always out exploring Vancouver and will now be looking for patios for me to sneak onto whilst Mum and Dad have a drink. If anyone knows of any dog friendly patios in Vancouver, let me Mum know and we’ll go and check it out.

Love Eric xx

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Smile!!

 

 

 

 

 

Pure cringey!

I was on my way to dance class last night (I know right, how cool does that sound. I now identify as a dancer check me the fuck out) getting my inner Beyonce prepped and wondering what this weeks song will be (last week it was  Tinie Tempah, ‘Girls Like’ and no one in the class knew who he was, like wtf how do you not know this awesome artist who can literally turn a shitty run into a Paula Radcliffe motivated marathon. Go on click the link and try not to move).

Anyways I’m crossing the road and almost got hit by a moped, I was like whatever, I’m a dancer on my way to class you will not kill my positive vibe (PS you look like a right nob, open your eyes next time you prick). This random stranger who was walking behind me was so indignant for me, he was proper pissed and having a right good old rant on my behalf. Not sure if it was the fact of almost getting run over that pissed him off or the fact that it was a moped (oh the shame).

So I humoured the guy and was chatting away and he said “your accent is great I won’t guess where it’s from” told him it was English and he asked if I had just moved here so I gave him the blurb of moving to Vancouver from Edmonton. He told me that he also used to live in Edmonton and asked how I liked Vancouver which I obviously replied that I loved it here. “Fist pump” he said as he held his clenched fist out towards me (ya what love, you want me to fist pump what are you like 12, you have just been raging about bad drivers and now you want me to “fist pump” are you having a fuckin laugh). My inside voice was having such a laugh with this, the outer me totally different. I put on a big smile and did the ‘fist pump’ thing. Thankfully we were heading in different directions and I could get back to practising my awesome dance routines (I’m a dancer don’t ya know) in my head.

So my dance program is almost finished, I only have one more class left and though I have enjoyed them I think I will try something else. Maybe boxing as I do love punching things (don’t look to much into that) though once you’ve been trained by the hardest bird in Birkenhead who was also named as one of the toughest women in Britain it’s going to be pretty hard to find a program that comes close!

In other news, our trip to Montreal was fabulous, we ate, drank and got frozen to the core. Besides the fab food and beer Old Montreal has lovely old buildings and we really did feel like we could have been in France. Winter probably isn’t the best time to go so we will be checking it out again in the Summer!

Have a fabulous weekend, I will be searching Vancouver for a decent Mojito!

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Mojito please!

I didn’t get the job……

I went to the interview feeling v confident, I had done my research was prepared and stood in front of the mirror telling myself how awesome I am. I made small talk with the receptionist and did some power poses as suggested in Amy Cuddy’s fab TED Talk. Fuck I was ready, bring it!

The interview went brilliant, I connected with the interviewee and smashed his questions. It went that well, he even told me “you’re a strong candidate, you would really fit in with the team and your salary expectations will not be a problem.” We even discussed my start date as I am heading to Montreal this weekend.

I left on cloud nine and went straight to the pub for a celebratory wine……or two. I even went to H&M to buy a new shirt for Tuesday morning (though got totally distracted by a beautiful red non work top).

So you can imagine my dismay when I received an email late yesterday afternoon informing me that they chose another individual. WTF this has to be a mistake they said “I would make a great team member.”

Did I say oh well never mind let’s remain positive and see what I can take away from this experience. Did I fuck! Did I let the rejection slap me in the face and make me look in my rear view mirror initiating a full on pathetic pity party, fuck yeah. Did I crumble into Mr C’s arms when he came home from work and he said “are you sure you’re okay” like a fuckin baby. Did I make a pathetic little noise when Mr C asked if I wanted him to go and get some wine, fuck yeah and make it two bottles one of each!

Did I wake up this morning with a slight headache feeling ridiculous for letting something so silly turn me into a pathetic whiney bitch, sure did. Did I work out, have a motivational chat with Oprah and go and get a new hair cut, I did indeed!

Job hunting is difficult as is the rejections that come with the territory. Don’t take it personal or over analyse, learn from it and stay positive. There were lots of positives that came out of this rejection:

#1 I have a fabulous new Red going out top

#2 I found my new hair stylist the lovely Jessie

#3 My hair looks cracking on my new Medical care card

#4 I have a long, long, long, long, long, long weekend coming up

#5 I did smash the interview, turns out they also interviewed someone with adequate experience and much lower salary expectations, which pleased HR.

In other news, we are off to explore Montreal tomorrow woop woop!!

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Always Blue skies for me!!

 

So about last weekend…….

It was mental like proper mental, along with my lovely friends we certainly made it a memorable weekend, left a lasting print on Vancouver (including my local wine shop) and made some new friends!

I won’t go into details, especially how one of us got a war wound and another motor boarded a new friends boobs (fully consented of course). We did have a lot of fun when the must drunken one of us found a phone that had been left in a taxi. Contrary to her strong belief and insistence, it did not belong to any of us.  When the owner called we had made some fabulous stories up about them and shared our hilarity with the server we’d had the previous night, who just happened to also be serving us brunch (she was our new BFF).  Anyway, the owner was reunited with her phone and that was the end of that!

I had a fabulous weekend and loved it when another awesome friend messaged me the next day saying “You have a wonderful group of empowering women for friends. Thanks for the reminder of the power of girls gangs.” An this is so true, all of my female friends are badass women; so to all of you, keep on slaying and own your awesomeness!

To anyone who needs help remembering their awesomeness I highly recommend reading the book in the pic. It’s an easy read, a bit sweary and full of useful advice. If you don’t want to buy the book then go stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you are fuckin awesome. Have a wonderful day!

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Be whoever you want to be!!

So I didn’t let my shite performance at the last dance class put me off. I went back to RSVP 33 last night full of enthusiasm and praying my inner Beyonce was back from vacation and guess what…….bitch showed up!

I stopped thinking about the moves and just, well moved, it came to me more naturally and I was having so much fun. My inner warrior nodded her seal of approval as I flicked my hair, popped my ass out and pushed my chest forward. I am Beyonce, this is awesome, I am having soooo much fun, oh look a mirror, I should watch myself see how cool I look.

Did I look ridiculous twerking “backing it up like a U-Haul truck” (our instructors clear directions), was I the oldest bird there, covered in tattoos looking out of place flicking her hair like she was on an actual Beyonce music video.  Yep, I was all those things but you know what, I was having so much fun and laughing my head off!

To often we don’t do things that we might enjoy, through fear of looking daft or just being proper shite at it. I say, just do it fuck what anybody else thinks, you concentrate on your own happiness and if you want to be Beyonce then go head girl, you be Beyonce.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something, especially yourself!

In other news, my friends are inbound and my birthday weekend about to start. I will apologize to Vancouver now, for any offence or disruption we may cause this weekend 🙂

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Be whoever you want to be #slay